Pink Thoughts: The Last Days

A lot has happened since I last Blogged so in this entry I will be covering my departure from Edmonton Canada, Flights, Arrival, the first few days in Thailand, meeting the staff and making a few new friends, meeting my surgeon for the surgery consultation and some inner thoughts. I better get the pot of Tea on cause it’s going to be a long night of writing.

Clearing the Air

As I wrote in bout in my last Blog “Canadian Abstract”, the days leading up to our flight to Thailand were a bit tense due to some friction between my travel companion Adarabeth and her spouse Kathy. Kathy was not supportive of Adara going to Thailand for a multitude of reasons. You can read about those reasons in my last Blog also.

I was journaling on my laptop in Adara & Kathy’s family room when Kathy came into use her computer next to me. It was very late the night before flying out. I sat quietly, but I could feel the tension - I felt very uncomfortable because I know I am the reason for her being upset in the first place. I just couldn’t take it anymore - the guilt and pain inside of me clawed at my belly - I had to say “something”.

“Kathy… do you have a moment?” I said. Kathy spun around on her chair looking surprised “sure”, she said, “go ahead”.

“I just want to ask you something” I said, not really knowing what to say… “What’s on your mind Chloe” Kathy replied back as if she already knew what was going to be asked.

I hesitated for a moment - then it really occurred to me what I needed to say. Kathy already understands the gravity of my situation and the reasons Adara has decided to go and she didn’t need to be roped into a line of questioning at this point to make her think about things more… she had thought it out and more so than I did myself. It hurt very much to know that I had caused her this inconvenience and pain so I summed all that up in my mind, looked her in her eyes and just said softly… “I’m sorry. Truly”.

She looked at me and then smiled softly and sincerely… “Thank you, Chloe…”

I don’t think she was expecting an apology from me but she was truly appreciative of me opening a dialog with her - actually I think she was more happy to open the dialog than the apology its self. She too felt awkward and caught up in all this without any real say in the matter - at least that was the way it was presented to her months before when Adara had spoke with her on the subject. I listened as Kathy explained to me her feelings and what had transpired since she first learned of this journey… I became a little upset with myself for not being able to anticipate how this all effected her and her children.

In the end, Kathy felt better for at least having received an apology and for being able to express herself with out having to be in-genuine by pretending to be Mrs. Nice. We both had gotten a little misty eyed and she said to me “Thank you for being sensitive and adult about all this. You seem to be very mature and caring to those around you…. Its something Adara has yet to fully realize in her own gender journey - that its not ‘All about her’. She has been very selfish in many of her choices and this is just another one - that is not your fault Chloe. “

I thanked Kathy too for understanding my position and recognizing that I too felt I was in a difficult position. Adara had told me of her home life and the special needs of her children - however, it just didn’t register… not until I was there, and seen it with my own two eyes. Adara had prepared me some what that her wife was not too happy, but I had NO idea that she was crushed and saddened as she was. I felt like telling Adara that the trip was off, but instead I just said to her that if she felt that this was something that she just couldn’t go through or felt that was going to be too much a burden on Kathy and kids, then I will understand . Adara assured me that everything will be ok and that Kathy just has a way of being a little over dramatic. I can appreciate that too, because my wife does the same - the theater lights seem to pop on when ever she has an audience - playing the victim and poor wife routine when anyone comes over… yet transforming back into a nightmare to live with and verbally and mentally abusing me almost the entire time I am alone with her in the home. So much so, I started video taping it, which oddly enough, has not detoured her from doing it AT ALL. So I can understand Adara’s position too and ultimately left her to make her own choices.

The next morning I awoke with bags packed and a rejuvenated spirit to begin the day. One of Adara’s Friend’s “Ian” had offered to take us to the airport because Kathy was not going to do that for us - and understandably so. I was a little frustrated still - thinking all night about what Kathy and I had talked about… I decided to shelf the feelings for another time because this morning we needed to really focus on getting out the door and being on time.

Ian got us to the Airport in great time. We quickly found the Airline kiosk and printed out our tickets. After checking our bags, we made our way through security rather quickly. We had about 50 minutes to kill before taking off so I took a look around some shops while Adara made a few last minute calls. I was a little late (go figure) getting back to the Gate for Departure - Adara was getting worried and had been calling my Cell, but I had turned off my Cell when I arrived in Edmonton so I would not be charged for so many Roaming charges. I apologized for my tardiness and everything was fine - we made our plane with time to spare. Adara warned me that there were 2 nasty messages waiting for me on my voicemail. LOL - Jokingly, I told her I would be sure to make them into ring tones for when she calls me from now often. <grin>

We boarded the Plane to Vancouver. It felt SO good to finally be underway. The flight was a short one - just 1hrs and 15mins and we landed in Vancouver Airport. Again, we had about a 1hr layover and then boarded our plane for Tokyo. The flight to Tokyo was very long at 10hrs. I had never flown for so long or for so far. For the majority of the flight, there was very little to look at outside as the sky was cloudy most of the time. We did get a chance to see the Siberian mountains & tundra - It was gorgeous! 1000’s of miles of untouched raw land. We even flew over an old inactive volcano there. There were a few in-flight movies to watch to help pass the time. We watched “Enchanted”, “National Treasure 2” and some other one I can’t even remember now.

These flights and most definitely tests to go through. It seems like no big deal - but consider a day that never ends… consider traveling for 28 hours and the sun doesn’t go down… it sounds cool - but it is exhausting. I’m REALLY dreading the flights home because I will be so sore (OUCH!).

We arrived in Tokyo and again had another 2 hour layover before our flight to Bangkok. Tokyo makes you go through security again - checking all your bags, passports, etc - even though you are not coming into the country, they STILL search you again. {sigh} frustrating. At least we had enough time to get through it because it took about 1 hour waiting in line to get rechecked. Once in, we found our gate with ease. Although we booked Air Canada all the way, once in Tokyo, the Airline changes to another company and you have to take your Canadian tickets and have them reprinted at the gate counter into Japanese airline tickets. No biggie.

The airline staff all look like from the 1970’s. All their uniforms are very dated compared to US/Canadian fashion standards. Heals, hose, hair, blazers and even their make-up all look like flight attendants from the 1970’s. It was very cute and made me giggle when I seen them all walking through the airport together.

We boarded our plane finally for Bangkok. This was the last stretch at 6 and half hours. This plane was HUGE! A Boeing 747 Airbus with a double deck, holding over 500 People on board. This flight was a bit more cramped because I think the plane was designed more for Asian people in mind, rather than European people because everything was a bit smaller and condensed. Each head rest had a TV which worked independently from the others, allowing you to load up a movie or video game or watch the out door flight cameras. I spent most of this flight sleeping… Finally we landed!!! Bangkok looked great as we flew in at 10:50pm Local time (Right on time!) Unlike Tokyo and Vancouver, Bangkok International Airport was packed with people from all over the world.

Once we got off the plane we headed to immigration/customs. They give you a card on the flight that you fill out, declaring any foods or items you are importing into the country. I had nothing to claim except my excitement. Immigration was a piece of cake - in fact, it was by far the least wait we had to endure for the whole trip. We made our way to baggage claim and sure enough all our bags arrived showing little signs of wear from before - it was a good feeling to know all our stuff was there and ok.

Once we had our bags, we headed over to the pre-set meeting place, exit door #9 to look for our Clinic contact who was to pick us up. Sure enough, once we got there, among 100’s of other people, a beautiful Thai girl Named “Boe” was waiting with a big sign that said “Chloe PRINCE, Dr. Suporn Clinic” on it. She immediately recognized me too from my photos and greeted us with warm hugs and a welcome us to Thailand. She made a phone call quickly to notify the drivers outside she had found us and then she led us out to the main entrance way to the airport where the clinic has its own clinic vehicle waiting for us. SO COOL! It was a Suporn Clinic Van with polished chrome wheels! “Dani” the driver loaded up all baggage’s and helped us into the vehicle. They welcomed Adara equally as a guest of the clinic and treated her with respect and courtesy as well.

The office manager for the Suporn Clinic is a British woman named “Sophie”. Until now, I had only had contact with Sophie, who helps all the patients to schedule and arranged their surgeries and accommodations here in Thailand. Everything was going 100% according to Sophie’s plans and I couldn’t be happier. Sophie had booked us into the Hotel Mercure in Chonburi which is right across the street (kinda) from the clinic. Dani and Boe took us to the Hotel, however on the way, they asked if we were thirsty and then they pulled over to a store and got us water and a sandwich to eat at 11:30pm, then we headed the rest of the way to the hotel. Thai people are a modest culture that are very courteous and polite. A nice change from the many rude and “in your face” type people I am used to dealing with daily.

Boe and Dani made sure we got to our rooms ok and brought up all our bags. It felt SOOOOO good to finally be in our rooms. Only one problem though. I had booked 2 rooms for the duration - one for me and one for Adara. I wanted them to connect, however if we did this, one room had a king bed and the other had 2 twin beds. The twin beds I had in my room were like children’s sized beds… I kid you not. Not only that, but the beds are STIFF! OMG! Like boards. Needles to say, I had to change rooms to get a King size bed so it would fit me. The larger size fit me much better, but the bed was still STIFF! Again, OMG! I think I will look for a pillow top comforter at the market later this week.

The First Morning

When you book the Deluxe suit at the Mercure, breakfast is always included free, whether you go down stairs or order the continental breakfast to your room. Adara and I decided to go down to breakfast first thing in the morning - which we did. The breakfast buffet is marvelous!! There is so much to choose from and not at all what you would expect from a hotel - even for a 5 star one. The staff lavishes you with attention and will cook your eggs, pancakes or Waffles the way you like them and bring them to your table too. I must have filled up my plate 4 time (oink!). What can I say, after such a long journey and a good nights sleep, I was ready to eat and even make up for the lost days.

While at breakfast, we met a few girls from the clinic: Natalie, Valerie & Amy. All 3 of them are from the UK and all 3 of them are now Post-Op. It was kind of weird introducing ourselves the first time because we didn’t want to assume anything - that being that they were TS women. It was very obvious they were, not because of their male prominence of the arms, torso and other features that being a TS woman myself am critical of in the mirror, but because they were all sitting on padded cushions that were typical of patients who just had surgery. Still, walking up to a Transsexual and introducing yourself can be a bit presumptuous because it could make the TS feel they were not passing… then again, this IS Thailand and this IS the Hotel Mercure… Its like TS central. I just wanted to be careful as to not hurt anyone’s feels, so we sat near them and I set my Letter/Card that Boe from the Clinic had given to me. Sure enough, the girls seen it and started a dialog with us. We talked to the girls all morning and they gave us some good tips and helped prepare us for what lays ahead… they even clued me into which room my friend Jillian from Seattle was staying in.

After breakfast, we were walking back to our rooms from the dinning area of the hotel when we were greeted by “Jibby”, also called “Jib“ . Jib is one of the Suporn Clinic staff who comes to the hotel to check on the girls to make sure they are getting what they need. Jib is very young and of course beautiful and has a cool sense of humor. I asked her to pose for a photo with me and she was happy to. When I stood beside her and Adara said to say Cheese for the photo, Jibby pinch my butt! I looked over at her and I said, “did you just pinch my butt”, and she said “huh? Pinch your butt… nahhhh”. So next Adara posed with her and Jibby said to Adara, “You want your butt pinched too, ok?”

X-Rays and Meet the Dr.

Jib was happy to run into me because she had meant to find and tell me that my appointment to see Dr. Suporn at 4pm was now going to be at 12pm. Awesome, I thought. At 12 noon we met Boe in the Lobby. She led us to the Suporn Clinic Range Rover outside were “Sin” (another cute young Thai female staff member) was waiting to drive us to the Hospital to get x-rays and other tests performed before seeing the Dr.

Sin is soooo cool. She drives in and out of lanes - completely fearless and navigates the roads like a local cabby. It was awesome watching this little girl drive the Range Rover… She was so tiny behind the wheel yet drove to fierce.

Once we reached the Hospital, Boe led me into a room to change into a gown. There was NO check-in, no talking to anyone - just walk in, change and then they walked me to the X-Ray machine and BAM… done. In America, that would have taken an hour just to check in, another hour to get taken, and a week for the results to be sent to the Dr. - PLUS a $1500 bill to insurance. Not in Thailand. X-Rays were developed in minutes. Boe had them in her hand BEFORE I could even change back into my dress. All the staff members of the hospital look like they too are from a 1970’s soap opera (Kinda like the flight staff at he Tokyo Airport). All their uniforms are very dated - especially the nurses with the typical nurses hat, stockings, and white skirt and blazer. Actually, it is very common to see girls wearing support hose and business skirt all the time for any reason ANYWHERE in Thailand at ANY time. Dress Skirt, & hose and heals are all the fashion here - and I think its cool. American ladies have gotten so relaxed and plain - its nice seeing all these ladies dressed to the 9’s in their pumps, fancy dancy hair do’s and beautiful makeup applications. I Love it! No wonder men like coming here, because the ladies here KNOW how to be ladies and being GIRLIE is the norm of fashion ALL the time - not just when someone is spending money on them. No attitudes, no one trying to make statements of individualism constantly by being anti establishment. The Thai People LOVE their culture and so do I.

Any who…

We drove back to the clinic and Sin didn’t disappoint with her New York Cabby defensive driving style. I had not seen the Clinic yet, so when we pulled down a little back alley, I was confused as to where we were. We had arrived at the REAR entrance of the clinic which sat next door to a repair shop that works on cars. As you approach the rear of the entrance to the clinic, you walk into a court yard covered in tropical plants and trees that have tables and chairs for sitting. Once inside the clinic we were met by some new friends, “Aey” and “Wee” . The clinic office is beautiful - not at all what you would expect a doctors office to look like typically in the states. Dr. Suporn is CLEARLY an accomplished man - able to have the finest furnishings and lavish his patients with care and comfort. There is 2 computers with internet access that sit at desks along the wall, free for any patient or guest of the clinic to use. The girls in the clinic are quick to offer anyone a beverage when they walk in, toped off with a beautiful Thai Smile!

Aey came over first and introduced herself to me and took my letters from my therapists to file away permanently. She gave me copies of them but the originals will forever remain with Dr. Suporn. At first I was a little miffed because those letters represented a lot of effort to get … on the other hand, I was glad to be rid of them and KNOW they are where they are supposed to be - (home) with the Clinic. I had been carrying those letters tight to me the entire trip… those letters MUST be brought in the original form or they will not do the procedure - I was glad also to not have to baby sit them anymore. Besides all this, the real results of all my efforts will be reflected in my surgery on May 21^st.

“Wee” took me into Dr. Suporn’s office and gave me my pre-surgery interview - asking me what was most important and to rate them from MOST important to least most important. I chose “Sensation” #1, Comedic #2, and Depth #3. My reasoning for this is that having the big “O” is more important than how much “D” I can accept inside me… and 2^nd most important is that when I look in the mirror or am going to the bathroom, I want it to look and function correctly. Depth again not being a factor in either of those issues. I pee more than anything and I DEFINITELY want the best chance at having an orgasm, so once again - DEPTH, not a big issue there.

Interview with Dr. Dr Suporn.

Dr. Suporn said based on my examination that I can expect at minimum 6+ Inches of Depth, which is more than fine because I am not so sure what will ever be going in there other than a dilator anyway. So, If one day I am divorced and would have a boyfriend, I must think of a way to gage his ability to hit depth in me so he doesn’t hurt me. I think I will wear a ribbon in my hair or something that is exactly the length I can accept and if the moment ever comes, I will remove the ribbon and carefully measure… lol OR, at least this is what I THINK I can expect… most likely, if it was anything like my first time with a woman, its going to be awkward, painfully embarrassing and quick.

During the examination, you drop your panties, lay on the table with a bunch of people looking at you - mostly little Thai girls (Smiling curiously). The Dr. comes over and checks to see if you have sensation first by rubbing the head of your penis… (!!!) YEP, all good here Doc!!! Next he checks to see how much skin you’ll have for the donor tissue to build the Vagina. Since I was circumcised (Thanks mom) I will be a little short changed as far as depth goes (About 1 inch) and the color of the inner Labia will be more pink flesh tone, rather than a bright pink tone found in side your cheek. No problem there either with me. As long as it works, I don’t care what color it is. The Doctor says the exterior of the vagina will be excellent and will look like any other natal woman’s vagina - Labia, clitoris, even sensation and all…. So really all we are talking about here is not being able to accommodate a partner endowed more than 6+ inches… (At least that is his approximation at this point).

More to Come

Its now 3 days since I last wrote in this journal, and I have A LOT more to detail and tell, but will have to wait. I am scheduled to be picked up in 6 hours to be admitted into the hospital. My surgery will be May 21^st 8:30am local Bangkok time (9:30pm May 20^th Eastern Standard Time).

I have many photos and things to share, but the internet and time can be sometimes unmanageable here. I will be sure to continue to collect and document as much as possible and outline them for you all here over the next week or so while I sit and recover in bed. I have to lay in bed for 5 days, so that will give me plenty of time to at least work on it.

I am posting photos as quickly and best I can based on the internet connection I can get at any given time. You can vire my photos as I post them on my Flickr Site by clicking the link below. Keep checking daily as I will continue to add them.

http://flickr.com/photos/chloeprince/sets

See you all from the other side soon!

-Chloe