Electrolysis on Avenue Q! (New 2009 Update)

(Reposted & updated from my 360 Blog)

Ever feel “Not so fresh”?

For anyone that's ever had unwanted hair, whether it was on your face, back, or even in your most unmentionable of places, and wanted to do something about it, this may not be the Blog for you.

What you need to know: Electrolysis, is a very humbling experience.

Pictured Left (pre-FFS 2008) is what I look like before I go to each of my electrolysis hair removal appointments, once a month.

The Saran Wrap on my face is (you guessed it) to hold in my freshness. I apply a prescription cream on my face called "ELMA", which contains 2.5% Lidocaine & 2.5% Prilocaine, to help mildly and temporarily numb the first layer or 2 of your skin. This helps to ease the pain of the hair removal process, and is usefull in either the Laser or Electrology hair removal chair. You'll need a prescription FIRST becasue hair removal technicians are usually not doctors (or required to be) and can not write perscriptions - just big bills!

I started my hair removal process in the summer of 2005 with a treatment of "I.P.L. Laser". If you've never tried a a laser treatment, well, all I can say, is that its not too bad until they have to put it under your nose or the corners of your mouth. Then, it feels like someone just used your face to shoe an angry mull!

{wham} {wham} {wham}

Over and over again. Sometimes I counted them hiting my face as many as 40 times in the first pass, then another 40 on the second pass at the higher setting... (as if you weren't ready for the "big girl" setting on the first pass).

In the course of 1 year, I endured 12 laser treatments to the face, neck and arms with good results. But lasers do not work on light colored or grey hairs. Being that my hair is naturally dark brown mixed with a few premature greys, 95% responded well, but left me with the some grey to deal with down the road. And oh boy, can those grey hairs be resistant!

Keep in mind the fact that I have Klinefelter’s Syndrome - becasue of this, I had very minimal facial hair around my muzzle area, or body hair other wise.

In truth, my heart goes out to all the Trans-Women that have to endure literally, 100's of costly and painful hours for years, of laser and electrolysis. I have heard cases of 4 – 6 years of working at it, is usually normal.

Before I go to my appointment, I prepare by drinking LOTS of water the day before. This helps keep the skin moister, and in turn, helps the "mixed blend" of AC and DC current flows from the electrolysis needle, to the targeted unwanted hair better.

Now, my drug of choice is Perkiset - it helps ease the pain mostly by minimizing the whole “ordeal” if it all. Valum is good too, but be sure to ask a doctor about it first and of course, use it only as directed. *winks* . Some people have NO problems; others (like myself), view the electrolysis as a torture chamber – but a necessary one if we want to have a feminine face clear of any facial hair.

{zap}{zap}{zap}

If the {zaps} wasn’t enough... The technician, using tweezers, lightly "tugs" (not pulls), but "tugs" on each zapped follicle, to see if it will easily slide out of the raw, sizzled hair shaft. If it doesn’t easily come out, {zap}{zap}{zap} again, and again - until it does slide out on its own! It has to slide out; it can not be "plucked" out.

The tech and you know when a follicle has sizzled at the root, it will release from the shaft effortlessly with no pain. However, if the follicle is zapped while it is NOT in its "growth stage", chances are that it will grow back, even if zapped, because it was in its RESTING stage, and you will need to have it zapped again when it grows back.

Zap, tug, ZAP, tug, ZAP, tug…. Again and again and again.

If you can imagine sticking your face in a barrel of angry bee’s you’d be about there… but the bees would have to also pull your whiskers while they stung you…

NOW YOU’RE COMPLETELY IN THE MOMENT!

Again, the work under the nose can be deliciously painful! I don’t care who you are: THAT HURTS LIKE A MO-FO! Its something I go and do alone - Electrolysis is a private hell - one that the rest of the world doesn't have to endure to be who they are. I lay there crying streams of tears, unable to move, even a muscle in fear of the technician missing, or the needle stabbing me to deep causing a scar. The song playing on my Blog today, its a tune I hum when I go to the appointment. It’s from a Broadway play called Avenue Q. OH MY GOD, its awesome; you simply MUST see it. It’s the Muppets meet Archie Bunker. lol

I forgot to mention the best part of electrolysis:

It's F*ing EXPENSIVE!

-Chloe

Video: Silencing Christians

A friend of mine just sent me a link to this video, and I normally don't call attention to these things, but THIS ONE really made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

Behold, the 2009 Christian Extremist Propaganda Machine...

In this video (towards the 4th quarter) they talk about ENDA - there they send the message and set the tone for the viewer of WHY they should be "fearful" of ENDA, Transgendered people and what they should do to stop it.

You simply MUST watch this whole video.

Original movie Posted here.

http://www.silencingchristians.com/

This video is a reminder of why I have chosen to go to Washington DC this year for "Lobby Days" with NCTE. There, I hope to have my voice heard with my congress person, because you KNOW the extremists are going to have theirs there too. We need everyone's voice heard. We can't afford not to go. This is our chance with the new government to swing the pendulum in our favor and get and inclusive ENDA passed.

Lobby Days will be held April 26th to April 28th. REGISTER FOR LOBBY DAYS with NCTE in the nations capital and help make a difference for our community. This is YOUR chance to have your voice heard. NCTE will coordinate the efforts for you to be a volunteer or to schedule a meeting with your congress person. All you have to do, is come and be who you are..

What are you thoughts?

The Walled Garden

I have chosen to move my Blog to “Invitation only” after being online for 3 years. I’ve gotten a few emails asking me if I am ok or if this is the next step for me towards going “stealth” – or as my friend Donna Rose once called it “Slipping seamlessly into the fabric of society”.

The short answer is “no”. I am not going stealth – however, now that only you, my trusted friends can read my Blog, I can be more open about “what’s going on”. I am dealing with some personal issues and can not be as visible about myself as I would like to be - at least, not here online for the moment. Adding to that, I'm finally getting to a good point in my relationship with my family, and I think this Blog is a bone of contention with them. So for now, at least for the next few months while I sort out these issue, I will only be giving access to people I know and trust.

My transition was very expensive, marking just over $70,000 in total towards procedures and medical/mental health care costs. I put everything I had on the line to transition and that includes the relationships I had, or ever would have.

With my spouse “Rene” losing her Job last December, and with the economy the way it has been, has forced us to make some serious choices – both in our financial future and our personal life going forward. Her losing her job is bad timing, but something we can deal with - her being a lesbian is not. Being at the pinnacle of these choice has me looking into the crystal ball and asking myself some hard questions. I want the best for both of us - but I'm not sure that is us staying together.

I’m currently filing a Chapter 13 Bankruptcy to restructure our debts - our attorney believes that she can iron out a plan for keeping our assets, which includes our home and rental properties to boot. However, we will be put on a 5 year repayment program and there will be major restrictions as far as spending goes. Under advisement of my attorney, it is best that I do not reveal anything about my personal life to potential creditors to use in court.

I seen all this coming about 2 years ago – selfishly, I pushed forward with my surgery because I knew that this would be my last chance – I just didn’t want to be in my 40’s trying to transition. It was hard enough to do in my 30’s! I'm so glad I did. I think a worse hell would to be having to go through all this and then STILL not been able to have my surgeries.

Adding to the whole problem is the constant roller coaster ride I am on emotionally. Last Monday I went in to have a blood test drawn so I could have my levels checked. I had not done this since being Post-Op last May 2008. I’ve been feeling very fragile and, well, just not my normal, secure self. My friend Barbara Ann’s suicide last July did not help at all either. I’ve been very nervous about taking the hand of a fellow sister and help them or getting to close with transgendered people at those early stages, because some how, I still blame myself.

And loneliness. I’ve been feeling so bitterly isolated as of late - caught between worlds, ungrounded like a leaf in the wind. I’m not short on friends by any account, and I think that I have the best that any could ever want or pick. But there are times when you feel so alone in your own skin – so transparent and vulnerable. No matter how many friends I have, I feel with out purpose because I want someone to share this life with that appreciates me for who I am. Some say that my children, my home, my job, are the roses in my life and that I have a beautiful life ahead. Maybe so, but what kind of life can it be when you feel like your standing alone in the middle of a walled garden?

-Chloe

The Call of Hope

Status: Not so Fabulous

When I take inventory over my life, its easy to see in the past where I should have made certain sacrifieces, and other times I probably should have been more out going.

I've never looked at myself as anyone special... much less a good writing or speller. I have 2 hands like everyone else, and with those, I have managed to arrange my stars from their orginal orientation - something anyone can do, given the time and effort.



I will be attending the Lobby Days organized by NCTE in Washington DC April 26th to 28th. Many people form around the country will be meeting there to help make the big push for ENDA, and other issues... but mostly ENDA.

The "Employment Non-Discrimination Act., or ENDA, is a proposed piece of legislation that helps to protect the jobs and rights of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered American's.

To tell you the truth, I can't really aford to go right now to DC. I'm facing a bankruptcy, and my spouse is out of work. Still, the cause and need are too great to let that stand in my way... so I have put the matter into fates hands and I will just not worry about it and go, and do what needs to be done.

Enough talking about our rights... Enough taking bows for ourselves... Ladies and gentlemen, its time we stand together... and lets not just nod and say, yes... get up off your chair and DO something - nothing can change unless we all set our troubles aside for a few days, and give voice to a call that has been sent out.

How many times in your life have you been given the chance to stand and be counted - among those who madea difference for the many?

Yes, a call has been sent out to all of us... and how will you be remembered answering that call?

Yes, we are all in trouble right now... the market is bad, housing and banking sectors have failed... but in the darkness of all this calamity, a light shines with all of us at this moment... that light is hope, and it shines now in our darkest hours. We must now harness this light together and illuminate our future... a future of Equility, for all.

Answer the call of Hope...

Stand and be counted - Give Voice


Please... register to attend Lobby Days with NCTE
http://nctequality.org/lobby_day/lobbyday09.html


-Chloe

Pregnant Man: Reloaded

I was recently asked by a Television reporter about my opinion on 'Pregnant Man' and I found myself stumbling to get my thoughts focused. Not because I was short of an opinion, but because it's such a hot button for Transgendered individuals, and people in general.

The story originally ran November 2008 on ABC's 20/20 with Barbara Walter's interviewing Thomas Beattie, a Female to Male (F2M) Transsexual that became pregnant and birthed a child.

The problem: The story made international news headlines that a pregnant "Man" birthed the child.

Here's the rub: The argument is a difficult one for Trans People because TG people strive to educate others that gender is of the mind, not the sex organs we are assigned to at birth. This is were the argument gets difficult because there is no consensus or one size fits all box to place these issues in.

Can the general public be asked to accept a pregnant genetic female as a pregnant male? How will this affect public opinion and understanding of all Transgendered people? Is there a line to be drawn?

I myself (by all accounts) am a father of 2 children. My wife and I had these children before I decided to Transition. I will always be their biological father. No amount of political correctness or splashed on 'feel-good' catch phrases like "Authentic Living" or "Gender Variance" will change that fact. We are, what we are. I know and accept that fact, but that doesn't mean I can not present and fulfill the role of a second Mother - and to my children, I am. This doesn't erase the fact that they have a father either... because that IS what I did, I Fathered them into this world. Now I will raise them as a mother would with exception too the privileges and benefits mixed in of being their Father too.

Stay with me on this for a moment: Thomas Beattie's identity is Male, but his body is still genetically female - therefore, that makes him the 'biological mother' of his child. He is NOT a pregnant "Man", he's a genetic pregnant woman having a baby that identifies and lives as a male, fulfilling the role of husband and father.

Good for him!

But the problem is the that the news media spun this story inaccurately, leading people to believe possibly that a genetic "Man" was pregnant, instead of accurately saying a "Full Time, Female to Male, Transgendered person" in the commercial segments, was pregnant. So of course, people set their DVR's and Tivo to record the oddity of a possible genetic male having a baby. An example of this spin can be seen here on Discovery Health. Watch the video on this page as it portays Thomas as a Pregnant man and not mentioning AT ALL that he is a Transgendered person.

To be clear, society accepts certain facts - one of them is that "Genetic Males" currently can not birth babies. Genetic Females and Pre-op Female to Male Transgendered individuals can birth children because they have the birthing organs to do so.

When a story such as the pregnant man piece is brought to the court of public opinion, the way Thomas Beattie's story was, it becomes a spectacle. The Media knows this. They know that people will want to get to the bottom of how a "Man" can and did become pregnant... "How is this possible?" they'll ask.

When the veil was lifted that Thomas Beattie was not a Genetic Male, the platform of understanding "gender variant living" came crumbing down in a landslide of mud and confusion for many people already struggling to understand Transgenderisum.

An example of this was a friend of mine at work that came to me when this story aired and said:

"I seen the Pregnant Man story last night on TV. I thought you said when Transgendered people decide to transition, they do it to live the opposite gender role and the very idea of living as their former gender role is unthinkable? "

I explained that, Thomas Beattie is not held to the limitations of a genetic male - and as a transgendered or gender variant individual, has the liberty to have a child because he is a genetic female - he's just not living and presenting as a female anymore, because he 'identies' as a male. It should not matter what body Thomas was assigned to at birth that we address him by 'he or her', but by the fact that 'he' identifies as a male, not a female. 'Gender' is one's identity, and ones 'sex' is merely the assigned biological circumstance for which they must breed new life.


Can we have it both ways?

In my comments section, Alex wrote probably the most brilliant response... she accurately describes how the TG community suffered a black-eye from this story.

Alex writes:

"OK I have an opinion on this issue that likely will not please some people, but it is what I believe so I will say it anyway.

I understand the couples need and wants to have the child, and it is indeed the right of any couple to have a child of their own.

However, I see this situation as being a case of having your cake and eating it too, or in other words wanting it all without sacrifices. My view is, if you need to change physical gender to feel at ease with the gender you believe yourself to be from birth, then you accept the new role to the full.

Until wonders of medicine allow all men to bear children (and it becomes accepted that men can do such a thing in society), all transmen should follow suit.

This story only fed the media to push the fact that he was not a real man, which fuels public perception that I'm also not a real woman. I do my best to be accepted by society as a fellow female, but very public stories such as the 'Pregnant Man' do me no favors, what so ever.

If he wants to be accepted as every other man is in present society, he really should not be allowing himself to be pregnant."

Another outstanding perspective from Common Teri:

"Well I’d like to be neutral on this, but I have to disagree with those who say he should never have gotten pregnant. I can understand the couple wanting to have a child together and the male partner choosing to carry the child that his partner couldn’t. If I could have done as a man before transitioning because my partner couldn’t I would have jumped at the chance. I see that as a very loving thing to do and applaud the courage it took to make the sacrifice of his masculinity.

He had to know he would take a lot of criticism for this.

The couple should have the right to do this yet I would have much preferred it stayed out of the limelight and not become such a media circus.

Trans people are going to have an understandable distaste for this because it highlights one of the things we try to hide and that is that our bodies will always betray us not matter how much surgery we can afford. We go to great lengths to make our bodies congruent with out minds yet there’s only so much science can do.

This event exposes us for who we really are, "transgender people". Is that bad?"

If I were 20/20, I would have advertised the segment as a Transgendered Female to Male is pregnant... but that doesn't sell air time the way 'Pregnant Man' does. Unfortunately, this and the Susan Stanton Story has left our community with some in depth explaining to do.

Well, Thomas is pregnant once more and is due in June of 2009 - can you just smell the book deals and the TV endorsements being cooked up?

What are your thoughts?