Its been one week and Rene and I have read your comments and have complied a list of questions most asked. So we will try to address them here.Before we get started, you must keep in mind that ABC compiled 1000’s hours of tape while following our lives the past year. In the end, they used 48 minutes of this material – some of which was used out of its original context from which it was taped. Rene and I did NOT have any editorial control, nor did we get to see the final product before it aired. That being said, understand, the footage was used to tell a story from the producers points of view.
Klinefelter’s Syndrome & the bee sting.
During our interviews (which lasted hours each), both Rene and I gave accounted details for how this all happened, but ABC did not use that footage. It would have helped to support the story – that, and the use of a leading expert on TV. ABC was referred to both a Doctor by myself, and was also given a leading expert from Harvard University to offer credibility to the story. Michelle Angelo (the therapist in the episode) herself referred ABC to this Harvard University Specialist who, in fact, DID verify all the information given and said YES, this is accurate, and not beyond the realm of possibility. Why ABC did not put that specialist on TV to (at very minimum) offer testimony and credibility of what Klinefelter’s is and how it affects the body, is beyond me. I can understand why some want to pull me off the carpet for a panty check. However, even just having an expert in the show to touch on what XXY is, would have confirmed to the public the credibility of the syndrome.
Usually, XXY is caught at birth in this day in age. However, it wasn't always checked for when I was born in 1971, unless there was a reason to do a chromosomal count. Today, chromosome are checked when a baby is born for any variation or abnormality. Having XXY is NOT a birth defect or a disease – it’s simply ONE in close to 100 human chromosomal variations.
Many males are given testosterone to counter the physical ramifications that XXY causes – Breast development, muscle and hair development on the body, etc. However, there is no widely accepted long-term study that proves “testosterone” has any significance in changing, or holding too ones gender identity they feel in their mind.
Something that was lost on the editing room floor when I explained why I made the choice I made in NOT taking testosterone, was that I was dealing with “2 separate issues”. Yes, I was diagnosed 46/47 XY/XXY Mosaic, however, I also have Gender Identity Dysphoria (GID). Having GID is a “mental health” issue and is completely unrelated issue to having a “physical” issue like Klinefelter’s.
The reason I did NOT take testosterone was a personal choice because I felt that the changes that were happening to me were congruent to how I felt in my mind. It is not recommended taking testosterone if you are diagnosed as a Male to Female Transgendered person or Transsexual, having GID. Even though the physical aspects would be helped with these testosterone injections, it is not proven that it would align ones mind to these changes. For personal reasons, I choose to allow nature to take its course. I’m not right or wrong for this choice – it was simply natural for me to allow my body to do what it was designated on a chromosomal level to do.
Why should I have to take something that everyone else wants me to conform to, but feels like poison to me? That is not anyone else's decision but my own - and unless you have lived a day in my skin, one should not judge me for my choices. I did the best I could in a situation where there is no manual, except to have faith in myself, and what I know I could live with. This and much more was on tape with ABC – but it was chopped.
I understand the feelings of other transgendered people – the argument is, some people will now think/feel that if someone doesn’t have Klinefelter’s or other physical need to transition, then why should they? This is completely off base. As I said before, and on TV, I have always felt a gender variance and expressed it privately by cross dressing (Way before I knew I had Klinefelter’s). Anyone that identifies as transgendered or gender variant, all arrive under the umbrella "transgender" through a unique perspective and set of circumstances. The diagnoses of Klinefelter’s did, in fact, act as a final catalyst for me to start taking steps towards identifying as “Chloe”. I won’t apologize for that – only say, this is my reasoning and everyone has their own, which is no more or less valid… just unique.
As for the Bee Sting – During the interview, Rene herself gave an account for this. After I was stung, I was rushed to the emergency room by Rene. I was having a terrible reaction to the poison which was causing breathing restrictions, swelling, and a violent reaction to my endocrine system. I was given hormones & Epinephrine to counter this reaction. After about an hour, the reaction was normalized and I was referred to my local doctor. There I was given a Blood test in the hopes they could help give me treatments to build my immunity to bee stings. My local doctor referred me to a Endocrinologist based on the blood test results. My Endocrinologist ordered a series of tests, including a Karyotype test and another Blood sample. From these results the Endocrinologist diagnosed me as having a Chromosomal variation known as Klinefelter’s Syndrome. At this point the doctor gave me the options of taking testosterone injections, but at this point of the diagnoses, I had not begun to feel any physical changes (yet). My thinking was, after 32 years of living as Ted, I seen no point to taking them to change anything about myself - especially to make myself more masculine looking! Eeww!!
6 Months later, I began to see unexpected changes in my body, which included breast development. Now I had always been cross dressing to this point privately, however, with these changes, came a sense of clarity for me. I felt blessed with these changes… but at the same time, it was a curse too. People around me began looking at me strange, as if I was sick or had cancer. I started to have to bind my breasts at work or when visiting family and friends.
As time went on, I worried more and more – I didn’t know what to do – "should I take testosterone and make everyone else happy?", I would think to myself... Or continue on making me happy? (Which the development was making me happy) I know it was selfish, but for the first time ever, I finally felt “normal” with these changes - like the person I was meant to be.
Still I sought out council with a therapist, and over time, began to accept who I am without guilt for it. I began to understand that, others will always want me to be something for themselves or others – but I am the one that has to live comfortably with me. I can’t be the best I can be internally and mentally, when I am in conflict.
The bee sting was just a catalyst, again, that brought into focus something that was always there. Blood tests taken over time showed that my testosterone levels resumed, but produced less amounts than before and instead, increased the levels of estrogen produced. Again, hormones (testosterone) was offered to counter this – however, I refused for personal reasons.
At this point, I started seeking out support from local cross dresser groups, looking for answers to my identity. It wasn’t long after that, that I started to segment off portions of my "boy life" and started living a 2nd secret life being “Chloe”. It was difficult to keep going back and forth all the time – and in time, I decided I couldn’t do that anymore. So, I choose what made me most happy – a choice I knew I could live with the rest of my life, come what may.
In fairness to the producers of ABC, in trying to tell this very difficult story with it's multi layers of issues, did some thing’s inadvertently some injustice. However in the allotted, and depth of understanding (from an outsiders perspective) of the subject matter, I think they did the best they could, given the circumstances. I have received so may positive emails from the majority of the community - still there are some left with mixed emotions - some being sadness to anger. All these things in my opinion are good. I asked ABC to NOT make a fluff piece. Transition is NOT pretty and people are going to be upset and angered. It needs brought out on the table for people to dicsuss and see the problems we face so that we can all examine it and work as a society to improve the process and offer more options. I give ABC alot of credit. They did their homework and I know first hand that the producers poured in countless hours of their time to make this piece a good as they possible could. Will there be more - LETS HOPE SO! And lets also hope its not another Scripted Trans-person on TV hocking their book "Poor me, Now What?", or a guy in a dress on Jerry Springer giving "Shout Outs" to their Mama back home. "Look Ma' I'm on T.V.!"
The Ex Girlfriend
Another issue that I felt was WAY off base, was the “Girlfriend” being visited. ABC left the perception that I made “the perfect excuse’ to go see an old girl friend to do some soul searching and find validation. This was and is a complete spin job.
The truth is, I was in Washington DC to support The National Center for Transgendered Equality (NCTE) lobby days (Photo Right). Over 100 people from around the country descended in on Washington to Lobby the Senate and the House on behalf of the ENDA bill and the Hate Crimes Prevention Act. I had reconnected with an old girlfriend (Jennifer) on Facebook prior to this trip and told her I was coming to Washington to Lobby. She offered her support to me while I was there. Jennifer actually attended our dinner and had the chance to meet our community and become familiar with our issues. ABC only showed you the portion when I met up with her for the first time WHILE LOBBYING FOR RIGHTS! It was NOT to make a love connection – sheesh! Rene knew about this meeting WAY before I even went to DC and was supportive of me meeting an old friend.I should also clarify that when I said in the interview “I felt the love I once had for her rise back to the top”, I meant that as “I was seeing her through Ted’s memories” and I remembered what it was like being in love with her... I remember the old feelings because she is still the same wonderful person I remembered. I paused and considered what my life would have been like had I married her – I pondered: “Would I’ve done this, and what would her life be like?”… THAT too was left out of the interview on the edit room floor. Instead, it came across as me making the insinuation that it was Rene’s fault for not being enough of a woman to keep me from transitioning – which is completely wrong. I would have transitioned no matter what… and that is why I said it was a “fleeting moment”… Not because I was considering dating Jennifer or that I needed to examine that prospect.
I spoke to Jennifer about these thoughts and she too felt the same – that life worked out the way it was meant to be. Jen did offer a lot of validation to me in the fact that she was one of the rare friends from my past who accepted me unconditionally and reached out to give her support. That’s worth noting, and respect.
Where did the money come from?
Another issue for some was how I paid for the surgery. Not that this really should have even been on TV, but since it was… The fact is, I and Rene have good jobs that pay above average. We owned assets and multiple properties and have retirement accounts too. Rene, being 9 years older than me, has built her own 401K that far exceeds my own. We have never had combined accounts and each of us agreed to separate bills and accounts in the beginning of our relationship. When Rene was asked about the money and she responded “Where did she get it?”, it caught her off guard because we do not keep an accounting over each others finances.
ABC asked for a number on how much was transition, in total? Adding it up in my mind it came to $70,000+. However, it was not included in the show that this money was taking into largely consideration that my employers insurance paid for my therapy, hormones and doctor office visits. The rest was covered by myself, which was still considerable. However, I do not have a car payment, and both my vehicles are 1997 and a 2000. I considered the money I borrowed from my 401k as a new car payment that I was paying back to myself… and felt justified in that. I have since paid that loan off. The show left the viewer with the impression that we are in financial straights because Rene lost her job (due to outsourcing). And I won’t lie, its been tight, but we're managing. She is looking for work, and if she cannot find one soon, we’ll make more adjustments. But by no means are we up the creek with out a paddle. I think its fair to note that I took this loan out 2 years before she lost her job or we had any indication she was going to lose her job.
Rene herself has the freedom to handle her own finances and she does without question from me… why is that a problem if I do the same? Again, it was more dramatic to “Que the sinister piano music” and make it appear that the big bad crossdressing daddy spent the family jewels on, well, the family jewels.
Children on TV was another hot debate. This admittedly was a personal decision for Rene and I. In the end we came to the conclusion that the children would be better off knowing the truth up front, and not living with a secret. The fact that EVERYONE ALREADY KNEW was left out of the TV program. Our kids have always been “out” for having 2 moms, for which one is known to be their Dad. The children’s school, our church, and neighborhood have ALL known all along. There is no secret. We felt this was best, and yes, there have been a few isolated instances that we had to deal with on a case by case bases – BUT – overwhelmingly, our kids self esteem is what’s important, and they do not go through life carrying a secret or trying to hide anything. They do not have to worry about losing anyone as a friend if someone finds out, because everyone already knows. That is a choice that Rene and I had to make together. Only in the long run will we know if it was the right one – but to date, it has been the correct choice. We deal with the issues as they come, but don’t lose sight over the fact that over all, the choice is working, and there will be an idiot that comes along every once and awhile… that’s true in any regard no matter the situation.
I would also like to point out a view point that was voiced by someone else i read on another site, and that is: No one had a problem with the Children from the Award winning documentary "No Dumb Questions" being put on TV when their uncle was transitioning. Why am I considered a horrible parent and "using my kids" for doing the same thing?Damn the torpedo's!
There was also the perception that I made the decision to transition with out any notice or choice given to my wife. This also was left on the edit room floor. I started Transitioning 3 years before I had surgery. Each step was another death for Rene. I would go to Rene and discuss it, and of course her answer was always HELL NO! I could only live with this answer so long – I told Rene if she didn’t start budging or coming around to the fact, that I felt it was time we needed a divorce. Rene would always say “fine”, but never follow through, and in the end, she would come to terms with it, usually because she felt she was trying to keep the family together. I tired to assure her that I would support her and the kids, and that it would be best for all involved, but she didn’t want a divorce.
It was after this, I finally proceeded forward knowing that I had offered her the solution, and she didn’t take it. So I did what I had to do to be comfortable with myself. Selfish? Yes… on both our accounts. But I think it was the right choice, because we ARE making good progress together (now), and feel very close to one another.
Rene doesn’t consider herself as a lesbian. On Camera she said she has never had intimacy with me – but this is a few shades from the truth. If there is a word for what we are, it would be Transbians, at minimum. Of course, when your dealing with putting things out on TV where everyone you know is watching, it’s not something you wish to own - No one wants to spill their own (T) on TV. But those that know Rene and I, know better.
On a final note
We have given our story, and the information to those that needed to verify it, and they have done so to the degree they felt comfortable enough to go forward on TV with it. Some Trans-People feel so personally invested in any main-stream media that comes out on the subject, and will be offended or attack it, if that subject mater is not scripted politically correct to their brand of thinking. Some feel a story like this unglues their truth they've sold to the public. Instead of trying to properly compartmentalize this story from their own it will be attacked or discredit because the very idea challenges main stream views being sold as a catch all for what it means to be Transgenderd. The reality is, everyone is unique and each of us have our own unique story to tell.
Also, I’m not a feminist nor scholar. As such, I'm not overly sensitive to being watchful for stereo-typical things I may do out of innocence, or other wise… I know I have big boobs... and I’m proud of them. I admit too, that I like wearing clothes that show my flirtatious nature. I enjoy wearing make-up, but most days you will find me NOT wearing any at all. I don’t define my life or regard myself a female because of these things either. They’re just things I enjoy and if that makes some feminist feel like kicking in a window, I can understand why they feel that way but would ask them to kindly get over themselves and go sell anti-avon somewhere else. The world doesn’t revolve around anyone person or group of person’s ideals or views. I on the other hand, admit I am a self centered and vane person - so, consider the source to any of this last paragraph. :)
I know my story adds something’s for other Transgendered people to have to explain to others to differentiate themselves from me… that’s ok, and I’m sorry for the added burden. But its true none the less, and its important to note that we all don’t arrive to presenting as our chosen gender in the same way – this, was my story.
We recieved over 700 emails privately in the first day alone that the special aired - even more since then, and even more in PinkEssence, and other social networks like MySpace, Facebook, and comments here in Blogger. Overwhelmingly, we'd estimate 95% of them are positive. One of them, was from a man, who had not spoke to his son that had transitioned in over 5 years. He writes, that, after the ABC show, he found a "new understanding". The man called his son and asked for “her” by name when he called… they have since met and are becoming reacquainted with one another. For Rene and I, and families like us, letters like this make the burden of scrutiny worth it.
In closing:
The issues addressed here we felt, if ABC had included or left in, would have made the program much better and satisfied the critics (mostly other trans people or their partners) of their concerns. Over all, we (and the letters we have received) feel that ABC did an outstanding job in trying to convey a very complicated subject on a transgendered couple, that has ever been done to date. ABC was not looking for another typical Trans story that would be scripted to avoid the Documentary Trans-Drinking Game. That's why they chose ours. They wanted sincerity and people that were not afraid to be vulnerable.
We hope in the end, that people will see that we tried our hardest just to be honest as we could be, baring in mind our children's and extended family's private lives... and understand, that honesty comes at a price of being challenged... We both feel that our story broke open the doors a bit wider for discussion in homes around the world - and for that we feel justified.
Thank you again to ABC for helping to bring this topic out into the public's eye for another look from a much different perspective.
If you missed the ABC Special, you can view them all here on Primetime's Website (At least for now). The series is broken up into separate sections, so I will provide all the links.
Good Morning America Promo:
http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=8135131
Interview with Michelle Angelo:
http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=8132230
Part 1
http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=8141394
Part 2
http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=8141488
Part 3
http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=8141570
Part 4
http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=8141704
Part 5
http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=8141764
Part 6
http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=8141810
ABC Photo Stream of Pictures from Show
http://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/MindMoodNews/popup?id=8100642
