Thursday, October 13, 2011
My co-workers still see and hear the same old guy pre-tending to be the same old fake, I always presented myself to be. Over coming this, is a daily cross to bare. It takes a lot of patience on my part, as well as theirs, to find our footing with one another. Aside from the handful of supporters at work that have come to my side and make me feel welcomed and befriended, I believe I am humored & or tolerated, at best.
I walk into my work location – and each day, I enter our crew room with the other men; I am ignored for the most part – or not really taken seriously if I speak. Each day I try to sit in a different chair in the room where we have our meetings, in the hopes that someone will sit next to me and talk to me… they all avoid me, sitting somewhere else, keeping me at a comfortable arms reach both physically and in their minds. Four years on the job full time as “Chloe”, and still, most people only speak to me out of necessity of the job - and reluctantly at that.
After the morning meeting, I go to my work truck, and leave the garage headed to my first job location. I don’t think there’s been a day yet, I haven’t left feeling the pangs in my chest, from the social isolation and loneliness… I cry… and by the time I reach my first customer of the morning, the picture above is usually the face that greets them in the morning.