My co-workers still see and hear the same old guy pre-tending to be the same old fake, I always presented myself to be. Over coming this, is a daily cross to bare. It takes a lot of patience on my part, as well as theirs, to find our footing with one another. Aside from the handful of supporters at work that have come to my side and make me feel welcomed and befriended, I believe I am humored & or tolerated, at best.
I walk into my work location – and each day, I enter our crew room with the other men; I am ignored for the most part – or not really taken seriously if I speak. Each day I try to sit in a different chair in the room where we have our meetings, in the hopes that someone will sit next to me and talk to me… they all avoid me, sitting somewhere else, keeping me at a comfortable arms reach both physically and in their minds. Four years on the job full time as “Chloe”, and still, most people only speak to me out of necessity of the job - and reluctantly at that.
After the morning meeting, I go to my work truck, and leave the garage headed to my first job location. I don’t think there’s been a day yet, I haven’t left feeling the pangs in my chest, from the social isolation and loneliness… I cry… and by the time I reach my first customer of the morning, the picture above is usually the face that greets them in the morning.
Too bad none of them can inspire others the way you can. I hope you can find co-workers who appreciate you for the wonderful person you are, Chloe. ♥
ReplyDeleteYou're a wonderful lady, and one of my inspirations. It's their loss that they can't see the great person you are.
ReplyDeleteVinnie and I will always love you ;D
ReplyDeleteAgreed - you're my personal heroine, & the strength it takes to keep at it day after day - if i had half of yours, I'd be set for life. Hugs
ReplyDelete@Lola, you and Vince are my family... and I Love you both too, so very much. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteChloe, I just read your post on the way your co-workers act. This is a couple years later and I hope the situation has improved. Just reading your thoughts I can see you are a beautiful person both inside and outside. Please acept sincer best wishes for a wonderful life.
DeleteMRB
Surprising that you weren't forced to change careers in order to transition like I was. There is no room in the Truck repair industry for a trans woman...
ReplyDeleteThat says a lot about all of them (your co-workers) ..if they only knew what a dynamic and wonderful person you are, beautiful "Phone Lady."
ReplyDeleteThat sucks hun....I have felt the frustration of not being listened too....I have learned to work my femininity & female swagger to make things work...
ReplyDeleteChloe we all understand... I started transitioning on the job 4 years ago... now I have to work with the same people who lied to have me fired then... when I was "rehired" by a sister paper they again lied trying to get me fired again.
ReplyDeleteThe problem (for them) when I started with the sister paper I also started living full time (I had been part time up to then, not at work). so when they lied, my current boss asked them to describe the time and details of the incident. they described me in perfect detail to what and how I looked a couple months prior (beard and all). when I first went full-time I was so happy that I wore nothing but dress's and skirts. I don't think that any one above us has forgiven them yet as I have a huge lawsuit hanging over their heads.
For the past 18 months we are back under one roof... so I see them every night. The best revenge; doing nothing. I have been told by several other co-workers that they are still afraid of what and when I will get even...
the longer that this fear last's, that's better then any revenge I could ever think of.
As discussed before we (as transgender people) need to set an example... you are the best example that I have ever met. you are such a nice person (its their loss for not getting close to you). I try to live to those standards.
Thank you and hang in there...
I wise women (my wife) once told me not to sweat the small stuff and focus on whats positive in your life, the rest will come in time.
ReplyDeleteDO you go to work with no make-up and trying to dress down to fit in....I did for a while....I wouldn't put on makeup and go for it..But once I did , everything changed for the better...
ReplyDeleteBut a new job location helped too...good luck hun your gorgeous , be proud ...;-)
Chloe - The hardest thing most of us face is the isolation and rejection imposed by those we knew and whom we had shared daily life. In most cases it is best to relocate, change departments, or face a deteriorating situation that over time will take a toll on you and everyone. We should recognize that how we are perceived is all about how we present. For some change is so dramatic that most cannot bridge the past with the new appearance and demeanor of the person Transitioning. The worst case is usually the one who makes the change so incrementally that others cannot let go of past images and the confusion they feel. Not many of us can carry on with our careers, family, and all that one would think. It just is not a common occurrence among the Transitioned. For your info, I had a Bell shaped head, and once my gender issues became known I experienced the same treatment. Ultimately I left, going for deferred retirement benefits, and went into business for myself. When I decided to Transition fully, that was the end of my IT/Telecom life too. The fall was not fun. One day I am a respected technologist and customer relations expert that was well known in BellCore and at BL/Hickory Ridge, and then pooofff! It was ugly! Even though AT&T, and the Bell Companies and their off spring all had diversity policies, it meant nothing. Threatening calls in the middle of the night, snide remarks written on my company car, and personal attacks against my work... I ended up stuck in a remote location with an even smaller group of bigots and abusers, which drove me to walk out and never look back. I know this does help your situation, but at least I have experienced it and know how it feels. If I can say anything, build a community and a life outside of your work, one where you are loved for who you are, and that you can go to at the end of the day. There is a life out there!
ReplyDeleteOn the journey to align my identity with my body, I discovered that my career was part of my identity -and with that, the people I worked with. It hurt to lose them - even worse, to think that I had brought embarrassment and shame upon them, and made them feel uncomfortable. I was so wrapped up in myself, I couldn't see how I was being a bull in a china shop about the whole thing. These people are family...
ReplyDeleteEstelle is right... about the community outside of work (though it still hurts when someone looks straight through you) it is clear that you have lots and lots of friends and those of who love and look to you as a hero...
ReplyDeleteOh yea, there is also that wonderful community called Pink Essence. ;-)
How often in life it is, that with one problem solved, another arises in it's place.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't dress down - or up, but do be a woman, Chloe. And if there opportunity when you're with maybe just one of your co-workers, try to get him to laugh. Look up a really good joke online if nothing comes to mind. Humor is truly a friend maker. Also an ice-breaker. And of course, be willing to laugh at yourself. Try not to force any situation, and maybe with time, something will change. A good friend can be hard to find under even ideal circumstances, and yet you've seen how many you've made here. You have friends here who are real and supportive.
Hugs,
Sean
I think that you need to stay at your job. You love it, and are good at it. Some people will come around sooner or later (the hardest for me are my own children) those who don't?
ReplyDeleteWell its their loss as they don't know the wonderful person that they are missing.
Typo (Does not help)
ReplyDeleteAnother good thought...sometimes people in general think its a gay thing and they think that if they stay close to you that will catch it and be gay too....maybe take them all aside before you go out and have a quick chat with and tell them "Hey look" we were friends before, I still consider you guys my friends, Even though I changed a bit, what I did is not a gay thing and its not going to rub off on you or your not going to catch it. Just like you guys , I have a family that I have to provide for and I am happily married. So this aside , lets go to work and move on from here"....
ReplyDeleteI have tried very hard to get a re-location, transfer - anything. The union won't/can't help because there are lay offs that just happened - and those people have call back rights for 2 years. Any available spot goes to them. Seniority rules at work - nothing else. I had a nervous break down at work last fall when i returned to work (my manager and union steward called me back to the garage for a pep-talk). I begged them to help me get a transfer to another position where I could have a fresh start. Preferably in a new city were no one ever heard of me and I have family near by. We have had other hard luck transfer situations, but, in my case, I have been told by my union that right now, I should be thankful to have a job but they cannot do anything to help me.
ReplyDeleteTo Alli - Yes, I do dress down at work. I dress wearing my AT&T issued clothes and conform to all standards so I do not give them any reason to make another note on me. they were NOT thrilled I was on ABC TV. Even after being on TV, not ONE person came to me at work and said a damn thing. NO ONE. They REALLY don't want to talk about... they're there to work - their friends are people that associate with on a daily basis - the guys go golf together, bowl and go to games together... I am not one of those guys anymore. Any party I find out about, is after the fact. Heck, many of them are on Facebook - I've friended them, but only 2 people have responded since I have been on FB - and that was 2 of my friends wives. The rest have Blocked me. The same thing happened when I tried friending most of my old school mates. I have had a limited amount accept me on FB, but most don't - but to those that have, I am cautious and try not to "go there" about anything on being Trans - unless they ask. I recently had one girl who I always admired in school write me back on FB and it brought tears of joy to my eyes that I still ahev not been able to full compose a response to yet. The same thing happened when my old girl friend from years ago wrote me and accepted me for who I am and friended me here on FB. That is the good stuff we look for as Trans people.
Reading stories like this makes me realize just how fortunate I am - my company and co-workers have been wonderful and very supportive; but then, our company's culture has always been collegial, even familial. Same goes for my friends, my neighbour( I was even president of our condo corporation) ,my own family and church family; take heart, there are good people out there who are willing to accept us; sometimes finding them takes a bit more effort. I wish I could offer sage advice here, but all I can say is be yourself, be kind and loving in all that you do, be considerate of those around you, and carry yourself with class and dignity and elegance.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you, it just seems so unfair- you are still you, and it saddens me to hear of people being unkind at worst and ignorant at best. If I worked with you I would be chuffed to be your friend!! You are amazing, inspirational and beautiful inside and out... ((((Chloe))))
ReplyDeleteI know how feel hun...well stick out til the economy turns then your gone...all along I have said as long as I have the love of my two kids, everyone else can go to heck...remember your loved and adorned here....thanks goodness we have this thing called the Internet to be able to pull each other up by the bootstraps...xxxx
ReplyDeleteAll this hurts me to hear. I really don't think you are embarrassing your co-workers. I am pissed that some of them are uncomfortable. You are not threatening their lives. You are pursuing your own happiness. Screw them if they can't deal with it!
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't say people have been mean - there have/were a few in the beginning that were being ignorant - but not anymore. Now, its "egg shells" for them. I hate that they have to feel this way - I know I am the source of that discomfort. I want to bake them all brownies and tell them, "...hey fella's, its OK to treat me as a girl. I won't bite, and your NOT gay (if thats what your worried about.)"
ReplyDeleteHow they get used to it is entirely up to them, you have to be you.
ReplyDeleteChloe, this hurts so much to hear! I wish I could offer words of encouragement. Did you have any good, close friends before you came out / transitioned on the job? Have you talked to those one or two people and tried to get a handle on what their fears might be? How about bringing a plate of brownies over to those couple of spouses of co-workers who've friended you on FB? If you could just get a couple allies at work, it would probably help a lot! I am not out at work yet (and honestly don't know if or when I ever will be...) Right now, I'm trying to figure out if there is anyone that I could potentially have as an ally... so far I have a couple ideas, but not at the point of actually exploring that.
ReplyDeleteHang in there... at least you have the hundreds of people online who adore and love you! You are such an inspiration to us!
<3Hugs!♥
Some wonderful comments here. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts, and especially to Chloe for being the awesome woman you are!
ReplyDeleteQuickest way to a man's heart is thru his stomach...do the Brownies go for it...
ReplyDeleteSharon, I have tried making gestures before. Social isolation is something that is felt and isn't apparent to others where they can see, feel or hear it.
ReplyDeleteIts something you notice at Christmas when you go to the Christmas party and the room empties to the other side of the room when you come in to talk to your one or two "ally" co-working friends... its something you feel when someone gets married, or dies, or has other life altering situations in their life, and everyone rushes in to offer condolences, and then YOU have the same thing happen in your life, and its not even acknowledged anyone.
My grandmother died on Christmas day a couple years ago, and no one announced it or even said anything when I took the day off for her funeral. Same thing happened last year when my grandfather died. No one welcomed me back to work after being off for 5 months from recovery from surgery - I got one call at home and it was from a manager asking me about a piece of equipment on my truck. No one sent a card or flowers - even though I was in deep seated pain. Other guys are injured or their family are harmed, and the guys pull together and send a card and flowers.
Isolation is felt when everyone in the room is carrying on and having a good laugh, then YOU say something and its liked you just ripped the biggest fart in the room - silence follows, and eyes just roll...
I had a very good friend at work who I helped train - he was a bit younger than me - but we pal'd around together for many years before I "came out". Since transitioning, he won't even return a page or call when i need help - I usually have to call my manager to get anyone to come help me or if I need something from another tech. I feel completely ineffective as a team mate and not valued AT ALL.
I came from another company where is was highly valued, liked and had many friends - like I am now here in the Transgender Community. I feel stuck to do anything about it. I have already hurt so many people with my transition - I feel that if I make a change or ask for something I am opening up wounds or asking for special privileges. Hence, being selfish. I want to move, change my job location, or leave my job altogether but hesitate because that would cause a major disturbance in my family, and children's lives.
However, this is the cross roads I stand before right now. This is the hardest decision I have ever had to make. Something has to give... If I try to go to upper management, that would be like a solider in the field asking to see the General for a transfer into the offices.
Everyday...I feel like writing down and rolling up a wish on piece of paper and putting it in a bottle and tossing it into the sea...
"...help me lord." :(
Ok, I'll try the brownies for pay day friday morning gathering...
ReplyDeleteChloe, are there other women doing the same job as you, or are you the only one totally surrounded by men?
ReplyDeleteI know what you're going through, but thanks for sharing, as it certainly helps others who are not that far along in their transition. It would be lovely to have people totally accept me in my career field, but this post just serves to remind me that I need to have a plan b (and maybe c too) career wise when I transition in a couple of years.
Someone I know once told me: Support doesn't always mean acceptance. I take those words to heart.
ReplyDeleteI know many of you have read my Blog, and many others, seeking inspiration. But the point of this post was to clarify that even once your post-op, and even with laws past, and even if your employer DOESN'T fire you, there are many many challenges to face that surgery and marching on Capital Hill can't fix!
The work has to be done by you - and it can be, at times, lonely and painful. When I had SRS, I lost 99% of all my TG/CD friends. They felt I didn't need them anymore, or they left because they no longer had anything in common with me. Others found that they couldn't get over the feeling of jealousy in their hearts because I had attained the one thing they desire the most... so, the distanced themselves from me or found excuses to be mean or tear me down as a human being... So I had to once again, recreate my world and distance myself from people I loved and had helped me, but now resent me.
Having a plan B and C is very wise. I'm working on mine Plan B now, after the fact. I was careless - and began my transition by showing up to work gradually trying to pull off as much as I could get away with before I was finally confronted about my appearance. This lasted about 1 year before finally I had to come clean. The guys were glad to know the truth - they felt uncomfortable and didn't know what to say. This was thoughtless of me and I wish I had gone first to the managers and told them in the beginning - I think this would have been a better approach than trying to "sneak" it in or see how far I could bend the lines.
Savannah, there are a few woman, here and there that do the same job I do - but NONE in my garage anymore. There was one before. She is now in a different work group that doesn't involve the same responsibilities as I have to deal with - Climbing poles, etc... I work with all guys... and as far as they see it, they work with all guys too. They sure don't treat or respect me as a female. Some are polite and acknowledge me as "Chloe"... but, they don't talk to me like men do outside of my work in the real world do.
ReplyDeleteLadies know what I am talking about - Men treat a woman a certain way - its a given. The men I work with treat me like a guy, no matter how "girlie" I am... no matter if my story was on ABC... no matter what my vanity plate says on my car... this far, they have NOT shown me the same courtesy they would their mother, daughter, wife or any other female in the world. And that is not because I act "unlady like".
The best I can hope for is a transfer... but, I fear that will never come.
It sounded like a very male dominated field.
ReplyDeleteI know you like your job, but Post transition do you feel your interests changing?
I own my own stock, futures, forex brooking firm and education company. I'm the head of the company...total alpha male position!
I speak in front of hundreds of clients a week both live and webinar.
I'm really not confident that I'll be accepted pist transition. Of course some will, but it will be hard for a lot.
But what's more, since I opened my heart to my decision to change, and then started hrt, I've found my interests in business are now swinging over to another field, namely skin care, fashion, that type of thing.
Have you experienced a change in your desired work, or do you really love your work?
I realize that you have the stability of your family to consider too. It is hard. But at least we're all breathing and having a go!
Again, they atmosphere and working environment she is talking about is a very inbred culture. Although I preceded her in the years I worked with in the Bell System and AT&T, and spun off companies, that culture lives on. If one were to express it in other terms it may be similar to a Staff General's maid being assigned to an Infantry Special Assault group. It is out of context as there is not relationship. Yes, there are many women who work outside plant and do difficult work, including climbing poles and working in splice pits, etc. Chloe, I believe, works in a Special Services environment providing high speed data/bandwidth connectivity and technology directly to customers. The workers in that area are stricken from above in that they are not respected for their skills and knowledge, and at the same time face resentment from lower paid facilities labor doing the really dirty work. Then to have someone shuffle the tight nit team of specialists is tantamount to infidelity. In the Telecom business you can be gay because there is gay management and they are watching. However, a Trans-person? I know of none who are open and a speaking advocate in and above reaching into executive levels. Some are engineers and hidden. I have very little to say that is positive about the embedded Telecommunications companies and associates.
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I personally have experienced what Chloe is going through, and it is unlike any other environment. It is hierarchical, inbred, and carries a brand of bias and discrimination that is all its own. Yes, other jobs and cultures have theirs, but the "Phone" business is its own brand. In many cases the workers are part of several generations of family who were Bell or other employees. Often not only one, but several family members would have worked in the varied levels and roles of the system. And after the break up, the latent resentment is still felt. I lived through it, and it is still bubbling and fermenting. Chloe, as was I, simply one more thing to reject and focus resentment upon. And understand this, not only management, but the union itself uses that fracture to its advantage. The union/company relationships, i.e. CWA/Operating Companies, are one of ratcheting and a constant war of belittlement and stress. It is a terrible work environment in that regard. Interesting that for several years after I left, customers called me. So I understand also the strong feelings that Chloe has for her customers; they are family too. If anything, I would recommend that Chloe get involved with the union in any way possible to be identified as a "player." Get involved with the company diversity program anyway possible, and become identified as a "player." Look to the organizations that management and the company are active with in the light of company appearance before the public and become a recognized "Player." Such things as Rotary, Toastmasters, Lions, United Way, Cancer Associations (Become a Breast Cancer Activist), and others.. One thing that can have a real powerful affect is to become active in the political community and get known as a "player" within the avenues of legislative process. Anything that sings of a connection/appointment with utility regulations and commissions is a given if you can become a "player." And remember if management, executive oversight, views you as an asset, then it will filter down fast, very fast. I have seen the HR Diversity manager walk into a cable district and in a 30 minute talk put the "shaky job" fear in everyone. The crap and tricks against women stopped immediately. It was called Affirmative action, and I was there! Yet, in my case I was in Lyle at Bell Core being offered and instructors position, and when I came back to my operating company / AT&T position they buried me because of my having counseling for GID. Apparently medical records were not so private and the company security held me as a risk. Even though several I knew Transitioned and found an engineering cubicle and were able to hide, my position did not allow that. What happened still hurts these many years later. There are no easy answers!
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More than anything, having a successfully integrated social environment is the best selling mechanism. Meaning that if you can bust out of the LGBt enclave and find acceptance at a higher level, and engage in things that are socially important to everyone, you will garner acceptance. If you can do that, then everyone who treats you less will themselves look bad. Fact is, to be accepted, as a Trans-person you have to exceed all of the requirements that others project. A 300 pound truck driver in a dress is still a truck driver, and one that is going to get a ton of problems. The day before he was feared, the day after he is a joke that everyone thinks is contagious. And Trans-people are embarrassing to others; we need to remember that. I have not seen my family for several years, yet they are still embarrassed and afraid of what everyone thinks. The people Chloe works with are no less afraid. Chloe has been at it for four years and they are resolute in their behavior. I have seen it, and lived it, coming in to the office in the morning and the crews snickering and calling "Alice" - not my name! I think it is time for change, and to change it is Chloe that will have to make the changes. Above are some, but as tough as it may seem, taking the walk was what I had to do, and may all she can do. Plan ahead, and make a fall back plan - NOW!
ReplyDeleteI've never had the work issue that Chloe is having, but then I am in the computer field, so not completely male dominated.
ReplyDeleteI do know another post op girl that is a truck driver (also a male dominated field), she would like to get out of that line of work if she could.
I've been lucky in that I am on classmates.com, and have gotten support from several of my former classmates.
Im so sorry for what happened. Though we've never conversed or met, I feel that you have an indomitable positive spirit inside you and you have an incredible warm heart that perseveres. I admire your courage and wish I had the same to follow the same path. We will always support you and want to help you. I wish I was in your service area; I would have "line problems" all the time so I could share tea or coffee with you. : )
ReplyDeleteI understand....but coming from the other side....it is really rough...
ReplyDeleteI can't even begin to say I understand what you're going through...
ReplyDeleteBut my Prayers are with you...
It's a shame there isn't more tolerance in the world....
I can't even begin to say I understand what you're going through...
ReplyDeleteBut my Prayers are with you...
It's a shame there isn't more tolerance in the world....
I think the Brownies on Payday is a good thing,,,just drop them and go,,,don't be touchy feely or want to discuss things , just drop them and go....do this every pay day for a while and it may start to slowly break them down. They will expect them every payday , then you have them,,,,and even some women will come around,,,give it time,,,do not expect and immediate turn around.....It will work....Deserts and pleasure go hand in hand , before they know it , there hooked, and when they say "Thanks" , say "Your welcome" and walk on....you have to let them come to you,,,,and remember men are more about the non verbal communication,,,...
ReplyDeleteSide Note : I read " The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People", I suggest it as reading, it helped me a lot in Life...
And SLowly start to where your makeup at work, start off with some Mascare ,some light brown eye liner--- your a pretty girl and the more they see that , the more it might help, maybe were some stud earings,,,I don't know of to many Unions or Companies suggest that woman don't where makeup...YIKES...there would be some ugly co-workers out there...Just my two or three cents.....
I agree with Alli a little makeup at work... might help you to feel better about yourself. I rarely wear any at work unless I need a feminine pick me up... yes to the brownie and I agree just set them quietly on the table.
ReplyDeleteI also think that you need to add this to your I-phone (it is available from i-tunes as a video...after you get into your truck watch it on the way to your first appointment.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9K4BKkLaCI
if that does not do the job... My son the Army Medic came up with this gem while homesick in Iraq:
Whenever you are feeling down, remember that at one time you were the one, victorious, out of millions..... of sperm!
Good luck, I loved meeting you at Colorado Gold Rush... and I'd love to see that strong, caring woman again soon. and thanks to all that you do for the community both here and on PINKessence.
***UPDATE***
ReplyDeleteToday was a better day. My manager had to do a "ride along" to inspect my jobs. He does this to all his crew in cycles, so it was not unusual of a thing. however, i took the opportunity to apply some of the advice here I gained from you all.
I invited my manager to lunch half way through the day, and we had a good talk. I was able to express some of my concerns and even though he can not at this time help me (due to lay offs), he empathizes and said he will see what he can do to keep an eye out for any opportunity that I may be interested or better suited for. I believe he listened and was genuine in his concern - and the fact that he listened, makes me feel better knowing that at least SOMEONE knows that I am struggling socially at work, and that its affecting my over all ability to be an effective team asset.
After work today, I was cleaning out my truck and I made an attempt to walk over and talk with other guys. They of course used the wrong pronouns when citing anything I said or referring to me, but, I did my best to let it go and keep the conversation moving... it went ok.
I'm going to try baking brownings for Friday and bring them in early for the guys in the crew room.... lets see what happens. I will try a touch of make-up on friday as well.
I'll let y'all know how it all goes.
*hugs*
The "ride along" sounds kinda like a mini "undercover boss" episode. .. i hope it pans out for you and good luck with the brownies. Throw some extra chocolate and caramel chips on top! *hugs*
ReplyDeleteWhat a bunch of jacka--es. It is their loss not to get to know the wonderdful person you seem to have become. Although I have never met you, I feel like I have come to know you through your posts and feel blessed. Thank you, Chloe, for becoming my FB friend.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure none of them have 39 different people that love them enough to comment on one photo in their defense. Trust me when I say I know (from experience) when you're the one being ostrasized, it's hard to belive others when they tell you you're special, but Chloe, not 1 of those people will EVER be able to hold a candle to the person you are. Your actions and volunteerism alone demonstrate how you are more often than not putting others before yourself. I doubt that many of them can legitmately make this claim, otherwise they'd be putting aside their petty, childish attitudes and reaching a hand out to you in friendship. Keep smilin hon. If nothing else, that should piss them off adequately...lol.
ReplyDeleteIt's a paycheck and health insurance. And I bet there's a few grateful customers. We all know that the real value you provide to society comes after you clock out of your day job, Chloe. ♥
ReplyDeleteI cant help thinking that it shouldn't have to be that hard. Wouldn't you think that Americans would admire someone that went after their dream?
ReplyDeleteChloe, I read and my heart sank and my tears started to flow.
ReplyDeleteThen the question came to my mind, if you had it to do over again [your transition], would you still do it?
Loss of male privilege was pretty much a slap in the face for me when I transitioned. I never realized how prevalent it is until I didn't have it anymore.
ReplyDeleteNot that I regret transitioning in the slightest. Best thing I ever did. I guess I just hadn't expected the difference to be so noticeable.
I read this & it makes me so sad,.. Chloe, you are a very beautiful person on the inside & out,... I have been your friend on here for awhile now & I only hope that you have noticed that I do care, I am your FB friend,.... I am a great judge of character & you have the heart & soul of a great woman & you are all woman to me !! One thing I can lend to you as some advice as I've been in the same situations you speak of, so here goes: I was a communications tech w/ a company for over 5 years, but in the Networking field for many years [25 to be more exact],.. Men are not always friends to one another especially when in this closed room tech session or environment that you speak of, sometimes men & people try to one up each other... Leave them be, be happy with yourself in knowing that you are making these steps for you & not them!! I have to admit I had tears come to my eyes reading this, because I have had so many people assume, judge & belittle me as well, why I ask ?? It's senseless, unneeded & unwanted HATE!! I just would be yourself, excel at what you do, handle your own & try to be a strong person, being transgendered is not an easy thing to bear especially to closed minded people.
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This is what I get from this when I read about you... No need to pay attention to them, you are loved & I bet more places than you might imagine ?? I know you have many who care about you on here & I'm one of those caring souls that love you for whom you are. Not what the others assume they think they know about you... Excell at what you do, do what you do well... leave work at work, and leave the personal stuff at home... Hope you understand what I am saying here ?? If you would like to talk on the phone sometime to better understand where I am coming from. I welcome you with open arms, in fact if you were closer to me, I would ask to visit just to give you a big fat hug to let you know that others care & to show you are special !! I have found myself in a special place these past few days & months, I have been through a lot, just like you are going through some tough times I have been there. Be strong & be yourself, this is for you & no one else !!! Once you can throw the negatives aside & fill your heart w/ love, all will be much better!! I don't always share my pains on here, because frankly, I would rather share the good things that I do & focus on that more than the bad times... I don't know if this gives you comfort or you may just blow this off, but I have learned many things in my life since I decided to come out & be myself, it is a long hard road, but in the end you will know who to trust, who are your true friends, the people who will love you no matter what, it's sad that you cannot get people at work to accept this about you & what makes you special, but know that you are a special person, God has a plan for all of us, sometimes he throws things at us, but it's never more than we can handle... Be strong, be yourself, do what you want to do, no one can make you happier, than yourself, that comes from loving yourself 1st & foremost !! ;-) I will write some more later as it's getting late here, but I want you to know.... You are not alone!!!
ReplyDeleteThey say that time heals all. I hope that those words prove to be true for you, Chloe.
ReplyDeleteCalie xxx