Message in a Bottle, Answered

I was in the middle of a back alley ghetto, doing phone work.

For those that do not follow my blog usually, or my posts, I will add that I am a phone tech, and it is my job to go, well, everywhere and at all times of the day, and night. As a male, I never gave (as much?) thought to this, as I do now - which is considerable.

At first, I thought it was just my usual fears of the unknown - part of transitioning. But, My fears are crystallized when I go to my managers at work for anything, and they do nothing to accommodate me as a woman - where they would otherwise (and have) for other women.

I'm not saying I or women can't do this job - what I am saying is, that the dynamics have changed for which the elements around me need to be reconsidered. If a woman is to work alone at night in an ally, a manhole or down a dark lonely country road where a cell-tower needs repaired, they wouldn't for a second think twice about sending a partner or backup or even someone else that is better fit for the geographical location.

I have asked time and time again to be relocated or given a different position in this VAST enterprise, but yet, there has been NO ONE to offer me an accommodation to do so.

After you have surgery like GRS, FFS, it takes more than a few weeks, even months to get back to even 80%. Its been 2 years for me, and in that time, I also had a revision... so really, its only been 1 year since my last round of being under the knife. I am just now getting back to 90% where I used to be physically. Your body and abilities change after GRS. Hot flashes are horrible for some of us - I am one of those people who suffer from them and because I have Klinefelters, it is difficult to get a set regimen on my hormones to combat this constant fluctuation of endocrine. Would an air conditioned Van at work be to much to ask for - apparently, it is. That is, if it comes at the cost of taking it from someone with higher seniority.

For 11 years almost now, I have work outside in the elements - dealing with extreme conditions - no AC, no nuttin, but just sucking it up and doing it. That's just how it is...

Well, I can't do that anymore. I'm physically & mentally failing. I know this sounds like a cop out. Sorry. Each day, I am coming home, burnt out from the stress of trying to keep up where I just can't. I can't quit cause its all we have for money right now.

The good news is, someone whom works for AT&T sent a link to my Facebook post into AT&T's LGBT group, "LEAGUE". Someone from there contacted me today through our internal Email inquiring if they could help and that they had connections in the AT&T "Job Accommodations" department.

My response:

"...praise the lord."

Here is a copy of my Original Facebook Post:

I'd be lying if I said wasn't a little nervous right now. This is part of the job I fear - feeling vulnerable as a woman - I can't always go or do the same things I did as a guy, at least without the same sense of security I once had of not being raped, or worse. AT&T won't listen to my concerns... I've tried. I've expressed my personal problems with being in an unfriendly, unproductive and uncomfortable work environment as well as expressing my concerns of personal safety on the job. Today, I'm working alone in a back alley of a ghetto... Maybe it's all in my mind... But I get the feeling I've become the forbidden fruit. No one wants to help me and even strategizing an exit plan has fallen on def ears. I think their just waiting for the apple to fall from the tree :(

God please, rescue me.

Spectacular Spectacle: Crossing "Over" Dressing

I was looking over some different photos posted on Facebook today by other TG's that are now out full time. One person in particular had some very good pictures (mostly of herself in everyone of them) from all around the world as she travels for business. What stood out the most when I look at them, is that she was very out of place for the way she was dressed, hair (wig) was salon groomed, and the amount and type of make-up she wore, over done. 

I was thinking this morning when I got up, I take for granted that I do not have to worry about my beard anymore... or other issues of passing. However, in those first years, I felt that, every time I went out, I wanted to make the most of EVERY moment to express my new lease on life to dress and "be" feminine in my presentation.

Looking over this woman's pictures, in most of them, she'd be wearing what I would consider business attire for a board room, or a female attorney to wear to court in many poses from all over - from the side of the high way, to the woods, to the beaches.... there she was - looking spectacular among the slums of little china town, and not at all fitting in with her environment or the other common appropriate dress of geographical area, temperature, let a lone for the beach.

People sometimes wonder why they stand out looking like a "GenderVariant Individule" (GVI) - this is the reason.  Most women do not do these things, unless you are Ms.Roper from 3's company or Tammy Faye Baker.

Granted - there are times where you will be on your way to somewhere and you just happen to click a picture and it looks out of place - but, this is not the case of the behavior I am describing.

For many Part time GVI's, they feel "any" opportunity to get out "dressed", (even if its to pump gas), its FINALLY the chance to wear those rhinestone jeans with white heels... The Part-time GVI''s are not alone - I have noticed even some Full-time pre/post-op TransWoman doing this, as well. That is to say, rather than being practical, they HAVE to put on their makeup, earrings -and- make sure their nails are done before they can even get up to do lawn work in the morning.

When one goes out to dinner, a comedy club, dancing, theater, conferences, dates... these are the things I would consider ladies (and guys) get gussied up for.

I just had to pause at these pic's - not because she looked bad , not becasue she didn't pass, not becasue she wasn't beautiful... she was.  It was because this was another form of cross dressing behavoir - Its what I refered to as "Crossing OVER Dressing".  Its when someone has (or is) working on going Full-time and is still expressing themselves through their clothes for validation or plain out right reaction of others, and are not yet comfortable with who they are to just "be" themselves and slip on a t-shirt, shorts and head out and mow the lawn, without having to put on a show for... well... themselves.

I've caught myself doing this... and even NON-GenderVariant people too.